Walk hand-in-hand with me
to meet the fragrance of the day.  
Drink the pleasures of our life course,  
adventure in the play.  
At the confluence of our life streams
the Star Web River flows  
between the bright and starry shores  
dancing over stones  
to show the way beyond what seems,  
to Be the Spirit Light,>  
together Be the Fragrance  
that opens inner sight.
                                                          allen aslan heart

Two Paths/One Journey: the Mathematics of True Partnership

Relationships with other people are a vital part of our learning whether the association is distant, casual or intimate.  The most important relationships are those that involve a close sharing of life’s journey.  In close relationship each partner can serve as a mirror to the other so that ego, games, and manipulations can be unveiled.  If there is clarity of mind, willingness to learn, honesty, and compassion, relationship can help you sort out and let go of the plots and ploys you've learned and refined.  Of course, without clarity, when ego is running the show, it's nearly impossible to learn quickly and change.  Rather, there is a resistance to change that usually results in blaming, shaming, abuse and suffering.  Usually, ending the relationship will not change the way people live and love.  They will fall back into the same choices and patterns that destroyed their previous relationships.  Counseling may or may not help depending on the level of awareness of the counselor and the degree to which the principals agree to be honest and ready to look at their own patterns and manipulations.

People often prefer to share their life with another for a variety of reasons.  A frequently voiced reason is that they are looking for their other "half" as though another person will complete them, that the other will fill a void in them.  This can be expressed in a  "mathematical" expression: ½ + ½ = 1, but the reality can usually be expressed ½ x ½  = ¼.  Wholeness cannot come from two incomplete people joining in a partnership.  Often the outcome is disastrous.  Of course, if one is abusive and the other is committed to playing victim there will be a modicum of satisfaction in that they help each other play out their roles.  If they get along well, they still might not help each other move to clarity and wholeness.  That's OK, too.  There is no right or wrong.  Just experience.  Sooner or later they'll get the picture and change themselves and/or their partner.  But if they think they can “fix” their partner, they will have fallen into still another trap and it might take lifetimes to sort out that misunderstanding.  You can mirror the inappropriate behavior, model appropriate behavior, or try to explain what you consider to be appropriate.  The only one you can hope to fix is yourself and believing you can fix someone else is another sort of ego-game. 

Some people are not “safe” playmates.  They might have grown up in some aspects but are developmentally retarded emotionally, caught in an adolescent or childish mode of behavior.  If you are trying to share a sandbox with another child who tends to throw sand and steal your toys, you might find it wiser to leave the sandbox and then be more careful and alert when you choose to share another sandbox with someone.  If you keep choosing unsafe playmates, you might then look at your choosing to see what you are trying to learn from these experiences.

Bawaudjigaeaun wae-ondji manitouwiyaun. In Ojibwe this means, "To dreams I owe the mystery."